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Heroes [Jun. 25th, 2008|05:05 pm]
Jen Page
Which Heroes character are you?
Your Result: Claire Bennet
 

You are Claire Bennet.
You can spontaneously regenerate, which is just a fancy way of saying that you heal yourself involuntarily. You were never very popular, but you recently got into the "in" crowd. You don't really like it there and your power makes you feel like a freak. You recently tried to contact your real parents, because you want to see if they have powers to...

Matt Parkman
 
Peter Petrelli
 
Issac Mendez
 
Hiro Nakamura
 
Sylar
 
Niki Sanders
 
Nathan Petrelli
 
Which Heroes character are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
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Weird Things I Like That No One Else Likes... [Jun. 25th, 2008|04:37 pm]
Jen Page
In a frenzy of sleep fogged urgency I stumbled in to my computer and searched I-Tunes store for Kate Bush - The Kick Inside. Downloaded it in record time and listened to the whole album. I must have been dreaming about it during my nap. Never even knew the words before this. I'm a melody/orchestration person first, then lyrics. But these are good. The song is "Wuthering Heights." Makes me want to read the book.

Out on the wiley, windy moors
We'd roll and fall in green.
You had a temper like my jealousy
Too hot, too greedy.
How could you leave me,
When I needed to possess you?
I hated you. I loved you, too.

Bad dreams in the night
You told me I was going to lose the fight,
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights.

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home. I´m so cold,
let me in-a-your window

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home. I´m so cold,
let me in-a-your window.

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
On the other side from you.
I pine a lot. I find the lot
Falls through without you.
I'm coming back, love,
Cruel Heathcliff, my one dream,
My only master.

Too long I roamed in the night.
I'm coming back to his side, to put it right.
I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering,
Wuthering Heights,

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home. I'm so cold,
let me in-a-your window.

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home. I'm so cold,
let me in-a-your window.

Ooh! Let me have it.
Let me grab your soul away.
Ooh! Let me have it.
Let me grab your soul away.
You know it's me--Cathy!

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home. I´m so cold,
let me in-a-your window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home. I´m so cold,
let me in-a-your window.

Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home. I'm so cold.
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privacy [May. 20th, 2008|10:24 pm]
Jen Page
 Aha Moment! I have just discovered that I'm extremely influenced by people around me. I allow myself to be influenced because I like to see if new habits, tastes, hobbies, etc work for me. However, what I end up doing is stepping away from what I know to be ME! Like, in high school I had a boyfriend who only ever ordered pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, so I began ordering only pepperoni and mushrooms on my pizza. But, when I'm on my own I like pizza with everything. ( Or I did before deciding to quit eating meat.)

When I am by myself and making my own choices I tend to be happy, strong, independent, healthy, and outgoing. This makes me think I don't ever want a boyfriend or housemate again. It's just so much better without one! 

My house is coming together. Fewer boxes. 
I'm still struggling with window treatments. I definately don't want plastic blinds. I went to one of those "custom blind" places and got pricing for one window: $535.00 I just about shit right there in the store. So I drove across the parking lot to Bed, Bath and Beyond and got a touch shade for $39.99. I installed it in my kitchen window. I can't believe the difference I feel now that I have a modicum of privacy. I like my neighbors and I'm generally a very open person, but I like just not feeling watched all the time.
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unpacking [May. 8th, 2008|09:23 am]
Jen Page
I've got boxes coming out of my ASS!!! 

I had a nightmare last night that I was swimming in an ocean of boxes and cat litter. 

Who ever thought I had this much shit. It's just endless. They're stacked to the ceiling. Literally. And in several places.

And last evening, I got into my car after work and man did it stink. So, I had to go and vacuum and shampoo it out instead of unpacking the damn boxes.
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These are MY leaves [May. 2nd, 2008|08:06 pm]
Jen Page
I've done yard work before. I've had to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, pull weeds, pick up sticks, shovel snow, etc. And keep in mind, I haven't even moved into my new house yet. But, I was over there to clear the leaves from the drain and all of a sudden it hit me! "Dammit, these are MY leaves!" It felt good to be doing yard work for myself for the first time in my life.
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Keys [Apr. 28th, 2008|09:59 pm]
Jen Page

The keys are the symbol of my future. I had doubts. I mean, how can I be sure this house is the right one? Do I really want to sleep in only one place for the rest of my life until I move again? What if I don't like my neighbors? What if I can't afford the upkeep? 

Despite my moment of doubt and hesitation, I made the commitment, signed the papers, and got the keys to my first home. 

Fredenbo
"Peace Home"

Champagne all around!!!

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the tongue hath barbs [Apr. 24th, 2008|09:01 pm]
Jen Page
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]

In the last four work days I have been away at a meeting for one half day, been on a field trip a whole day, and taken sick leave one day. Despite the sparity of my presence at work I have managed nonetheless to piss off two people without even trying.  

How does this happen? Why do I have this uncontrollable angry mouth? I find other people irresponsible, uneducated, and morally lacking.  So I berate them in some unconscious need to "teach" them. (It's only in hindsight that I put these words and terms to what is an instantaneous and spastic action.)

This afternoon, while agonizing over my unprofessionalism, I realized that I resent people who neglect to uphold my standards of global community-minded ness.  For example, I get furious when I see an asshole driver cut in front of a line of cars at at signal in order to make an illegal right turn from the LEFT TURN LANE BECAUSE FOR SOME GODDAMNED F**** ING REASON THEY ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE AND NO ONE ELSE'S SAFETY MATTERS!

I feel very, very justified in my reaction to that scenario, but today's snafu doesn't compare in obviousness. I was on this field trip, it was a long, hot, tiring, noisy day and our school has this policy of making everyone get silent any time the bus stops. I suppose it's so the driver can concentrate or something. Anyway, there we were driving along and all of a sudden I realize that I'm the only teacher on the bus upholding the school's image and standards of behaviors. The teachers in the back of the bus are sitting there on their lazy "notmyproblem" asses while the teacher with the sore throat (me) is yelling to get the kids to quiet down. And this continued for 20 minutes, over and over again at every stop. I lost it. I told them in front of kids, parents, and bus driver that they weren't "doing their jobs." 

Just writing about it has angered me again. How dare they!!! 

*deep breaths* 

I know I should apologize.... at the very least for being unprofessional. 

I don't care if those teachers like me. I don't really like them, anyway.

Argh!



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depression... [Apr. 23rd, 2008|04:41 pm]
Jen Page

(I want to begin by saying I do not claim any expert status on this subject. I am scientifically curious, concerned for self, friends, and family, and in need of an outlet to express my ideas and feelings.)
 
It seems that depression can take as many forms as there are sufferers of it. Mine came out as impatience, panic and hostility towards others. I was obsessed with things that kept me in my head instead of around others. I watched "Lord of the Rings" about 12 times, watched the making of "Lord of the Rings" about 3 times, read "Lord of the Rings" 3 times, read the "Silmarillion," etc. This was over the period of a month or three after the Republicans took congress back in 2003.

In a moment of sheer revelation I realized that stress, disorganization, eating when not hungry, arguing with people you love, inability to see a path forward, sadness, self-criticism (this list could probably go on and on) are all ways that depression materializes in our lives. It has definitely materialized that way for me at different times. 

I remember the year-long process of struggling to crawl my way up out of the mire and muck up the steep slope of depression, trying to find a pathway to normalcy. (I use the term to imply a state of neutral emotions - not ecstatic or hyper, not despair, just contentment.) I thought about getting help, but that would have required making a phone call. At one point, when I was starting to feel better, I did actually call my insurance company to see if they covered mental health visits, but then never called the doctor to follow up.

My experience has largely been one of depression and not mania. That is to say, I've had mood swings and enjoy getting crazy and silly, but generally just feel "low."

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happiness... [Apr. 18th, 2008|10:01 pm]
Jen Page
 My all time favorite ever teacher in college had an assignment for us each week called a "bliss break." Take one minute and write down everything you can think of that makes you happy: people, attitudes, sounds, smells, events, colors, experiences, memories, seasons, times of day, etc...

Here's my "Bliss break."

                                                   Crisp mountain freshness, anticipation before a really big storm, leaves that crunch in Fall, lilacs, cat bellies, white wine, candle light, good roommates, clean bedding, "For you" by Barenaked Ladies, new plants, pizza sauce on my tongue and savoring the spices down my throat, playing with my nephew, games on Friday, lying in bed and reading, naps in the afternoon.

The woman who taught me about them passed away quietly in December. I just found out. My heart breaks, but I know she will live because of the way she touched my life. 
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leaving the house to run an errand [Apr. 16th, 2008|09:50 pm]
Jen Page
  1. Getting one's self ready to leave:
    • Showering
    • Picking clothes
    • eating
    • daily ablutions
    • tying up household loose ends like, turning off the burners, closing the windows, finishing projects, cleaning the cat litter
    • preparing for executing the errand (example):
      • finding envelopes
      • digging out stamps
      • researching answers to questions on a form
      • finding the form
  2. Leaving:
    • What is the weather like and what do I need to go out into it?
    • Do I need a car to get where I am going?
    • Will I need to talk to anyone?
  3. Business hours:
    • When is the place open?
    • How do I get there?
    • What will traffic be like?
  4. People and Traffic
    • Maybe I can go another day.
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